one of those days

Just one of those days where all you feel like doing is crawling in bed and burying your head under everything you own that way your eyes no longer see what they've been seeing these past few days.

That face explains everything. If I could walk around crying, I would.

When all you've ever known seems to slap you in the face most people would fight back, but I tend to stand there like an idiot. I've always been the person to just "take it" and people step all over my feelings and values and effort. I hold everything in until the explosion surfaces and today, an explosion has surfaced. There is just a lot of emotions that aren't quite sure when I will be able to deal with them. I wish I had more time to think, because all my thinking now that I'm in college is therapeutically venting through this blog.

In a few hours, I have a Chemistry test. Whether I'm ready or not the severity of the questions will not change. So yes, I am ready to bomb this test and yes, I am ready to cry when I get my grade back. I'm shooting for the 40's to 50's range.

I didn't get into the club I was trying for. (click here to catch up). Although I should probably feel an immense amount of disappointment and sadness I actually feel content. Prayer does wonders. I prayed to gain numerous spiritual lessons through the club process and God answered my prayer, but in a different way. God is trying to teach me to stop depending on my relationships with others to find contentment, instead I need to reach out and find contentment in Him. I feel closer to God now because all my friends are in clubs, and I'm content with that. While everyone got letters of acceptance in their mailbox, I didn't. He's trying to teach me the spiritual lesson I was praying for.

So if anyone would like to come over to my dorm and hug me, feel free. Like seriously.