dreams

Just over here dreaming about traveling the world next Spring. 

High school was full of dreaming. My mind wandered about the possibility of being a student at Harding University (my dream school), eventually joining a social club, and studying overseas in Athens, Greece. I am no longer in the days of dreaming, I am in 2013 and my freshman year as a Harding student ended last week. Next fall I am crossing my fingers for a specific social club and in the spring of 2014 I will be living in Athens for a few months. From January to May I will be able to experience another culture and travel to biblical cities surrounded by evidence that my Lord walked on the same ground I will be walking on. 

I dreamed that I would be able to save the world one day. Broad as it may seem, that dream is coming true. I was able to be a part of so many service teams and meet so many people in need this year. Going to Dermott over spring break to serve that community was incredible and life changing. Working in a single mom's yard every afternoon for weeks was so much fun, seeing her face light up as the list of chores became shorter. Loving on all kinds of children in my town was my favorite. These past six months have been so grand to hand me new opportunities and has been the best teacher for me. 

Getting caught up in other people and their lives is so rewarding. Saving the world (to me) means helping a different person every day. And maybe that one person will help another person, and so on. 

Love was a dream that I never thought I would be able to hold onto. The discovery was I have always had love, I do not need a boy to understand this word. My God IS love and my God is enough. He has given me inspiration to dream more and dream bigger, and so that's what I have done. I dream that my dreams match up with His will. 

Don't let your dreams be dreams forever. 

patterned skirts

Looking through old clothes and hand me downs isn't such a bad idea.

So comfortable! This skirt is so easy to move around in. I'm always worried that I will end up doing the penguin walk with skirts like this but thankfully I was able to walk like a human.

The shirt is a men's v-neck from Wal-Mart. They package three or more together and sell these shirts for a few bucks. Seriously worth getting if you don't have some!

Love the skirt and my super old shoes that I put on most days and put on for this post.

Also, the wind hates me.

bridal shower

We just wanna be in Pi Theta Phi so bad that we wear orange and blue to rep a social club we aren't even in.

1, 2, 3, 4, as the numbers increased more toilet paper was wrapped around my body. I needed a beautiful fiancé to match my beautiful wedding dress but that would be asking for too much. Bridal showers are so much fun. I'm glad I was able to go and spend some quality goof off time with the girls.

For anyone who is reading this and actually knows when this bridal shower happened, I know. This was last month so just write me up for being a terrible blogger.

Her face radiated love for the presents we got her. The games were fun & having a spa day at her house was fun. She sent me a video of where her wedding will be and I am crossing my fingers that my summer job won't hold me back from getting to that wedding!

It's the season of bridal showers so I've been hitting them all up.

baptism

It is this renewal that humans crave. This sense of who they belong to and what they are called to do on this Earth, the sense that God instills. Coming to the Lord covered in filth, stains, and a sinful but moldable heart and coming out of the water a pure creature, a clean person.

She was so excited to become a Christian. I was so glad that I got to cry with her, jump up and down with her, and hug the mess out of her. She let me take the pictures so she could remember the moment. All of her emotions were so contagious and I couldn't help but cry for a solid thirty minutes.

Having her as my suite mate next semester is going to be so much fun. This is one of my very few friends that has an obvious heart for God, we have made a good team this semester. I love praying, talking about scripture for hours, and listing people in the community that need help. We get so excited over God and the plans He has for us, and I get excited that I have someone to get excited with.

My bestie got baptized!

oh no, i cried

I picked him out from the very beginning because I noticed how tall he had built the walls that surrounded him. He was so closed off, so shy and timid. All the kids in the room bullied him and he just put his head down even lower, as if he was a turtle retreating into his shell. I realized how he wore the same clothes to school every day. I found out he didn’t eat lunch with everyone else, he sat by a tree outside until it was time for the next class.

His mom passed away and his dad left him when he was young, he never grew up with a family.  I touched his arm and asked who his friends were here and he looked up, for the first time, and said he didn’t have any friends. This wonderful boy explained how everyone hated him here, and when he left school there was no mom or dad to come home to.

“oh no… Haley’s crying again.”

Maybe I did let a few tears roll down my cheeks as I let his story sink in. I told him that if it was possible for me to move down here I would come visit him at school every day and sit with him by the tree at lunch time. He told me I was dumb but at least he smiled. I would do anything to make this boy smile.

And there are kids like this all over the world that are left behind because of their misfortune in being raised in a broken environment. If only I had opened my eyes to the hurting sooner, I wish I could help everyone that hurt in this lonely world. I have never seen the world as cruel as they have, I can only attempt to understand and show compassion. I have so much love for boys and girls like this.

(he wouldn't let me take his picture so I put a picture of the group I went with)

where i stand

Walk her to the edge of life so she can tiptoe

Over all the taboo lines people have drawn over the years.

She sees humans all around but she can never discover humanity within them.

The world has become sick and so she wants to be the cure.

She looks behind her at the boy standing in her past

He keeps falling more and more in love with himself.

Now that He is more, he is no more.

Rising above the lines drawn for her,

Reaching toward ideas that people like to keep covered with dust.

Where I stand, I see things I have never seen before.

I just want to love people and change the world. 

a love that hurt

One of my professors was discussing abusive dating and domestic violence, a topic that I have been super involved in lately. She looked us all in the eyes and said “Love does NOT hurt people. If you are hurting, run. If he makes you feel worthless, run. If he disrespects you and your body, run. Love is not telling you where you can and can not go. Love is not abuse. Love is not isolating you away from your family and friends. Get out of the world he has dragged you in and stand up for yourself. Find a love that cures, that is patient, and that is gentle.”

It just really hit home for me. This is why I volunteer at a shelter for rape victims. There is so much pain in this world because of twisted people and sinful lifestyles. I look around and see how much the devil has a handhold in society. It can be depressing.

I love that my professor ended her speech with what to replace what you ran away from with because many women who run away from their abusers forget to do this. Replace all the anger and hatred with another kind of love that is so different than the love you have known.

Most people do not understand the psychology of it, wanting something that is obviously so bad for you. I believe all of us in some way or another have struggled with an addiction whether it be to ice cream, extreme dieting, an abusive boyfriend, alcohol, an eating disorder, or cutting. All of these addictions are not the problem, it is the motive behind the addiction that is the problem. It is the reason why they want what they shouldn’t have so bad. Is it the need for love, comfort, something to ease the pain?

I was shown a love that hurt, a love that made me feel worthless, but I’m on the search for something more. Something that I have only found in God. He gives me a true peace and joy that I have never experienced before and by the grace of Him I am free from the love that hurts, the love that only brought pain.

Life is all about loving your crooked neighbor with your own crooked heart and I'm blessed to be loved and to love back.