a heavy heart

Putting makeup on a situation that is eternally bruised. The past rears its ugly face into my world once again and sometimes it can be hard to handle. Making sure the smile never fades even when the heart is screaming for some sort of recognition of this sadness. There will be no pain for pain is not recognized.

Slowly, the world starts to fade. I drown in the emptiness. I am broken by the pressure of what surrounds me. What has always been seen in color is now in various shades of black and white. This curse has been branded on my skin as I accept the exhausting lifestyle of loving everyone more than myself. My worth gets lost in the crowd I try to please. The temptation of staying down once my knees hit the ground becomes too much to bear.

The spark of change, of hope. Mastering the art of living life and loving those in it. I find myself fighting the bitterness and pain, they seek to shape me. These bottled emotions have no outlet, no way of being processed and understood. They scream in hopes of recognition.

My blog is usually filled with words that describe the condition of my closet, not my heart. I have stopped writing in hopes of forgetting how to record the thoughts that plague me every day. Lately my heart has been heavy, too heavy not to write.