gravity

My feet are on the ground but I never feel as if I'm standing.

You built your home on a black cloud that pours out regrets and sadness throughout the day. The rain you send to the spot I occupy is a constant reminder of everything you stand for. It's gravity, the hold you have on me. Without a touch or a word I still feel everything, I still do what you would approve of without your threats. Your presence is not even needed because my heart is set on you and only you.

Time hardly passes before I'm on my knees again, wishing nothing had changed. Drowning in a possessive love, it's like gravity. Going back to where I had walked away from. With a few words my mindset changes and I become a fickle lamb wandering without direction again. As I get high off of life I remember you, and I am brought to the ground. I never get off the ground.

The dirt reaches out and tries to grab ahold of my shoe before I get too high in the air. I'm too happy for the ground to be satisfied. Freedom is what I long for, a freedom that involves a life without pain.

When I close my eyes I'm still that girl with brightly painted eyes staring into yours. You opened the door for me, looked me up and down, and said "there ya go, pretty lady." My heart melted then and my heart melts now. Eventually I will have to force myself to melt over some other guy and pretend like I was never in love. But for now my mind will keep going back to who we were together before you broke my heart, before I lost every ounce of trust I had given you.

I can't even count the times you have danced through my mind while I am trying to be who I am. I just want to fly away from what is pulling me down. The hate inside of me has become a chore, trying to pretend like nothing weighs me down. He is a sugarcoated lie. He gave me another memory that replays in my mind and I sit in silence staring at the pain that has slowly made its way in my life.

I am struggling. There is no cure for this disease of sadness that has plagued my mind all week. His name haunts me. It's everywhere I go.

There are some things in life that take a lot of time to get over. This is one of those things.