this one girl

She puts off a cheerful, positive vibe because she is afraid people will see that she is lost. She focuses on other people so they do not focus on her and ask her the same questions. If she answered, they would not see her the same way anymore. She prays that some day she will find someone who needs her as much as she needs them, and that when the day comes he will love her more than she ever dreamed someone could.

If you saw her you might not notice the noose hanging around her neck. Her eyes see how much she can offer the world but the noose never allows her to step forward and pursue her goals. The depression and the past have taken over her body. Sometimes she cries because it scares her.

She clings onto the boy who is so bad for her. He feeds her lies and she rationalizes herself into believing them. He has a power over her that no one understands, not even herself. If you find her crying when she finds the time to be alone it will most likely be because of him. She has to constantly tell herself she is content without him but deep down he's all she wants.

She always smiles and always laughs. She loves to love. Covering up the emotional hurt is so natural to her. She hides so much pain away and at times, the pain liquifies and pours out her eyes.

There are boys that catch her attention because of how they treat her. She wishes her heart was still hers to give but it will never be so. As she places each in the zone of friendship she can't help but feel tears rolling down each cheek. These guys are incredible and more than willing to cherish her and respect her but the concept is so foreign that she doesn't know how to respond. Instead of accepting what they offer she walks away and thinks of the guy who still has her heart. She doesn't want to be anyone else's even though he is no good to her.

Sometimes she feels guilty for liking other guys even though he has moved on to multiple girls. Sometimes she silently wonders if she deserves the guy she dreams about. And occasionally she will find herself looking off into the distance preoccupied with thoughts of loving someone different. One day, this girl will hardly remember the year 2012 and she will smile.

This one girl who has finally discovered how she deserves to be treated.