goodbye

Tell her I said I am going to stop trying.

You, my love, are gone. If you come around again I am not taking the lock off of this door. I am not saying I will never love but I am saying I will never let myself love you. I have let this situation control me for so long. Lessons of forgiveness and loving those who hurt me prick my heart. I have tried to let the wounds heal but I am not so sure time has completed the task.

I never thought we would have a last kiss but now I am glad we did. I do not belong with you and you do not belong with me. All of our memories are found in the past because we are no longer making more. The only place I find you now is in my dreams and hopefully that will fade away like your presence has. I don't let my mind linger on moments that were so dear to us because I don't want to allow my emotions to stir toward you again. I am ready to get away from your controlling presence.

Broken trust was the foundation of our relationship, we constantly feared what we couldn't control. I realized my control was lost when I saw the pictures of you with her. I realized the control you had over me when the disapproving words over various aspects of my life kept growing. Beyond the surface of my skin was of no importance to you and I am ready for a man who looks beyond a body, a man who looks at the heart.

Green means go and I'm already gone. I'm going back to my town and you can go back to your life. I have to say goodbye to all that we were because I have to move on.

P.S. happy 300th blog post. woot woot.