deception

I found out and I knew I had to do something. With a face comparable to chalk the words were choked out: Stop talking to me.

I didn't mean it. Or did I? The phrase was spoken from an amount of built up anger and hatred. My words were not as serious as I made them sound, but somewhere inside of me I knew his voice should no longer be a part of my life. Instead of walking away to someone who would appreciate the love I had to offer, I have waited and hoped that one day he would realize I was still standing there. But now I'm standing in a different place by a different person with a genuine smile. Everything is looking up.

A few days after promising me I was the only girl he really wanted a relationship with, he chose her over me. I should probably feel more upset than I do right now but he doesn't really surprise me anymore. His words have no value, I know he means nothing of what he says. When I make a list of all the pain he has caused, I smile. I realize how much freedom I have gained from being away from him. I never have to put up with him again. Now it is her job to attempt at making him happy and eventually, she will discover how impossible that task truly is. 

I made it easy for him to lie because I wasn't looking for the truth. Providing false words was an instinct to him that I never understood. He knew what to say to make me want him back, and that's scary. Deception was the word that hung around his neck and I chose to see what I wanted instead of what was in front of me. Many people tried to offer advice when it came to him, but instead I turned away and listened to his words only. Now that I am out of the situation and have taken off my blinders, the world is a brighter and better place. No one can control me.

I realize how much he held me back from being the person I always dreamed of being. Now that he is gone, it is the memories that keep me from moving forward. I have no one to blame but myself. I never should have stepped foot into the doors he opened for me. I never should have been with him in the first place. I regret wasting a whole year on a person that never respected me, but I will forever use the lessons I took from the relationship.

An awesome guy sent me a text message that went something like this: "He doesn't like girls, he lusts after girls. He doesn't love, he abuses emotion. He doesn't think, he just pleases himself." There is nothing to be attracted to anymore. I refuse to admit I was in love with him, a guy that didn't even care about me. A guy that only cares about himself.

So the deceptive boy got what he wanted and I let him have it. Now he has another girl and I'm realizing how blessed I am to be out of that situation. I never have to be with him again and for once, that brings contentment. It's nice when this confidence I have found puts a light in all the dark corners where his lies hid.

Now that he is no more, I can make myself more.