bitterness

Bitterness is like swallowing poison in hopes that someone else will die.

Love walked away but that doesn't mean I have to walk away from happiness. The freedom of moving on has slowly been discovered. There is no need to feel resent toward him or the situation anymore because of the positive impact it is having on my life. Instead of loathing everything in sight I have taken it upon myself to let love back in my life and not push every guy I see away. Now that I know he has moved on, it is easier to see myself with another guy that truly cares about me. I honestly can't wait.

The collage of memories no longer controls me like it used to. Instead of endlessly playing over and over, the summer events have become distant nightmares that I push away. Pursuing my goals and discovering who I am as a person has opened my eyes toward the blinders I put on when I was with him. Now that I desire clear vision, I have put the blinders away and plan to never bring them out again.

I'm happy for him and I can't believe I just typed that. I pray for him and I hope life treats him well, as long as I never have to be a part of it again. So much hatred has been stored up in my heart but I have learned to let the hate leave and bring love back into the picture.

There's a faint smile on my lips when I look down and think about my life. Smiling is beautiful. I feel like singing for days and days because this bitterness that has held me down for so long has been defeated. Prayer is a wonderful thing. I'll forget his face one day when I'm looking longingly at the guy I am to marry and commit to forever. I pray that he will never cross my mind and all that happened will be something I no longer cry over. The future is a wonderful thing for me, it is full of new beginnings and a God who saves.

It's all about God's timing and picking yourself up after making mistakes. I've learned a lot.