oops, i swooned

Okay so I might have texted him back without telling anyone and I might be regretting it now.

What can I say? He's a sweetheart and he makes me swoon. So yeah, I ended up seeing him and yeah all the memories came back. When everything was said and done though I had so many realizations. We are not the same person; in fact, we are the exact opposite of each other. I want to move to a big city and help children with cancer. He wants to stay in a small country town and host bull riding stuff while he ropes for a living. The plans we have for our lives do not match up, not even in the smallest amount. I sat beside him in silence because I had nothing important to say, he was rambling on about rodeos and my mind was stuck on the different names of girls that were popping up on his phone.

A lot of me got over him that day. I knew that I would never trust him again no matter how hard I tried, I knew that we were not meant to be no matter how much we kept pretending. The warmth of our summer love produced two broken hearts, and now is the time when the mending has to come. I am such a fool for thinking we were above what I was told. Love like that does not last forever. When I woke up to the realization he moved on before I even left, I woke up to a completely different world.

There is a time to let people go and there is a time to pull them closer. Right now, I had to let him go. I could not tell you how many times we have ended everything between us, but if I could, I would tell you this is the sixth. It's almost as if we are going through the same routine over and over again, hitting the same thing over and over again, hoping that the next time we will somehow avoid it. Explanations and wordy phrases were passed back and forth, he was convincing me to try again and I was convincing him that we would never work. He promised he would never show up on my phone anymore, he said that he would rather me be happy than be in a relationship with me and attempt at making me happy. I will miss seeing his name again but I know deep down that his name can no longer give me what I deserve. I had a choice, I could leave or live and die that way.

Out of all this I have learned a very valuable lesson: I am NEVER dating a cowboy again.