i embarrass myself

You embarrass yourself and you learn to not care because people's opinions don't really matter. It's a great feeling to accept yourself for the way you are and the way God made you.

I seriously just don't care what people think of me anymore and that's a really liberating thing to say. In high school, so much time was spent fixing my makeup and my hair so that when I walked out the door I felt more pretty and wanted. At that time beauty was such an outward appearance thing to me. My beauty depended on how many compliments I got that day or the kind of reactions I would get from certain people. Now that I'm growing up a little bit more I have realized how unimportant hairspray and makeup are. What defines a person is the amount of love they have stored in their hearts, not the amount of makeup they have on their face.

I wasted so much time putting effort into my appearance instead of putting effort into my heart. I wasted so much time letting guys tell me how to dress and look instead of becoming my own person. I wasted so much of my life with people that held me back and were not there for me. I wasted a lot of energy on guys that I swore would fix my problems. I became so dependent on so many awful things and I never truly learned how to be myself, I never figured out who I was when there was always someone telling me who they expected me to be. I was such a wasteful person in high school and all of that is changing now that I'm in college.

I am not sure how this picture ties into the post but it's whatever.