the past

She is screaming for help. Her lung capacity can only hold so much until it hands over a feeling of being ripped apart. The past creeps its way into her mind and as much as she pretends it isn't there, it is. Sometimes she finds herself looking down and wishing for something else.

Craziness is defined as making him a memory and putting the past in the past when she is not so sure that she wants to. Looking forward is so hard because she knows that he is behind her. The fantastic emotions of love can still be felt when he would look in her eyes. Her mind keeps replaying everything they had together out of desperation. It is so difficult to put all of this away.

And the boy mentioned here here and here (magic boy) turned out to be everything short of what she thought he was. He became a reflection of the guy she left back home so she ran away as fast as her legs could carry her. She hates being controlled, she hates it with everything in her. Sometimes she would look at his face as he reached over for her hand and felt her heart cry, because his hand was not the hand she wanted to hold. Replacing the hole in her heart with a boy will not solve her problems, only God can solve her problems. She just wants something tangible.

I'm throwing red flags at everyone I know now. I see the bad in everyone because of the bad people in my past. My eyes are focused on the ground and I am so afraid of looking up.