the facial expression

I saw him. I couldn't help myself.

For weeks he has made no effort in communicating, leaving me with this empty hole in my heart. I let my feelings dictate what happened as soon as I got back to my home town as I headed over to where he worked.

All I could do was hug him as soon as I stepped in the room. I longed for him to grab my hand and tell me how much he missed me or ask how long I was going to be in town for. Instead of making my fantasies come true, he gave me the fake smile and side hugged me. I wanted so much more but I know I will never get that from him. It was like everything we had has become absolutely nothing now and it is so hard for me to let that go. It was so easy for him to forget what we once were, it's almost as if I don't exist.

I left and looked back in just enough time to catch the last expression on his face. The expression said everything and that is all the closure I needed. Our feelings for each other are not mutual because I still think of love as he thinks of indifference. He treated me as though we had nothing real when we were together, as if coming to see him was stupid. He pushed me away because I have become just another girl to him as he moves on to the next. He has obviously let me go in such a short time so I am not sure why I keep wasting my energy on someone who will never understand how much I love him.

My best friend held my hand as she walked me back to my car. I sat there in silence until I whispered "why?" because sometimes I cannot comprehend this situation. How can someone say they care so much and completely forget about them in a few weeks? How can nine months of love be shrunk down to an insignificant nothing? Why can't he love me like he used to?

I wish he loved me, but I'm asking for too much. All my wounds are open.