deep in thought

Somewhere deep inside of me is this insecure little girl that just wants to be loved.

Beyond what people see on the outside, every flaw I have is magnified to the point of becoming an obstacle. Sometimes I don't understand that perfection is an impossible goal to be reached. My mind stirs toward the beginning of this week when everything came to an end between me and him. The heart that used to belong to me is still with him, and I keep hoping that with time comes healing.

What I'm coming to realize is that I'm a princess of the Lord. Jesus is my lover, as well as my friend. I have learned to strive for the contentment I seek in Him and Him ALONE. When I take the communion, I take it as a wedding proposal. As I break the bread and sip the grape juice I whisper "I do" to my loving Savior so that I'm telling him "Yes, I will marry you, and I will be yours forever." It is an odd way to look at the religion of Christianity, but it is a way that gives you so many more personal experiences with God and Jesus than you could even imagine.

And though you may call me a fool, I want to mark this the start of my life. No more men to become a crutch, but I will become my own way of surviving through difficult times. I want to figure everything out so that I know who I am, and I know who I want to be.

I'm single and day by day, I'm learning that I have to become content with this.