wish it would break

There's a picture frame that is looked at too often during the day. A picture frame that I can't seem to find enough strength to throw away. When I walk towards the door, I slam it shut, hoping that it will fall and I will be forced to place it in the trashcan to be carried away from my sight.

The picture has a mind of it's own. Even though the love is no longer here, I can't keep my eyes from shedding tears every now and then. I'm done with hanging on to what is no longer there and I'm done with allowing myself to think about you at night. But October 9, 2009 will always be in my memories, I will never forget but I will have to let go. I can't let myself go to a new place with the same old things still bothering me. I have to stop wondering if we will ever have a chance of being together again, because we are over and have been over for years. Nothing will change that, even if you change. 

Your wrapped around me, your memories bound me like a chain. I wish it would break. I wish I could break away from you. 

It's a teddy bear on my bed that reminds me of a Valentines day you probably forgot a long time ago. Or even a sea shell that is in a lot of little pieces, because I decided to smash the "I love you" whispered in the center. I'ts those chocolate lollipops in the shapes of hearts that I always keep in an air conditioned area, so that they won't melt. Rose petals from the first and last rose you ever handed me, kept in a book sealed shut. More than anything, it's all those memories that I'm leaving behind. I'm not bringing anything that involves you to college. I wish our picture would break like the time you broke my heart.

I guess it's a "first love" thing. Let's just say that.