still miss him

It's all a big lesson that I'm trying to learn. It's a matter of letting everything I thought would be forever, go.

I just really miss him. And I hate how intense this feeling can get sometimes. My dreams are filled with old memories of what the summer was for us. At times I want to hold on to everything we had because of how I used to feel. What hurts the most is trying to grasp the concept that he has become my past now and has no place in my future. This time, when the words "it's over" were spoken, it really was over. Sometimes I sit on my bed and ask myself if I should have let him have another chance, but if he was the right guy for me he wouldn't have to ask for that many chances.

It's like I know exactly what I want, I just have no idea how to get there. I want to be able to shut off my feelings toward everything back home and start over in this new place. Sometimes, I doubt I'll be able to. I am becoming so overwhelmed by all the feelings that pass through me on a daily basis. On days like this, I want to call him and tell him about my day. It hurts because he doesn't care. A part of me is glad he found another girl because that forces me to not want another chance with him. I guess I just hate not being a part of his life.

At least he told me how much he loved me, even if he never proved it. I'm lonely without him. And I don't want another guy to fill the spot of where he stood, I want the guy I fell so hard for this summer to make me feel more secure. It's just a night where I miss being his girl. Hating what we were but wanting more was always the theme of our relationship. But I still love him and I think that's what makes this so hard. If the word love wasn't involved, I might be able to make it out of this one easier. Being attached to someone is a scary thing, I'm not sure if I can handle going through this again.

Let me love you again? Wait, you're loving her. Never mind.