it's time

It's time to begin. All at once, everything fades into different shades of green signaling the start of something new. My emotions stir toward the man walking toward me who has planned on taking me out that night. Something in me wants to become closer to this guy I barely know even though the logical part of me screams to walk in the opposite direction. Becoming dependent on someone is my biggest fear so the steps after friendship cause a consistent reaction. I have become accustomed to pushing people away. But the leaves have changed colors in my world, this is a new season of my life. This is a season to pull people closer and forget all the miseries I have allowed to become chains on my feet for far too long. And in time, pull him closer as well.

It's time to let myself crawl out of this miserable rut I'm stuck in. Love and fear have become the same words to me, but I will not let that become an obstacle any longer. Part of me desires to tear down all the walls I have built around myself over time. I will eventually grow to be so tall that no one will ever look down on me again. Something in me longs to reach out for more than what I have been.

It's time to be beautiful. Magazine covers and recent ex boyfriends do not define me because I have got to become stronger than that. Pointing out every flaw in the mirror will not bring me any closer to my goals. I found my beauty through compliments and boys disguised as men. Now that I have brought my feet to the starting line, I will make my heart more beautiful than it is now. Solomon's words inspire me.

Fear won't hold me back and I pray my past doesn't either. It's time.