the yellow rose

It's that moment when your every day routine crosses something that reminds you of the past, and memories seem to provide no escape.

It was last summer after the tornado when everything between me and him went past the "more than friends" level. He had been the one who stood by me and let me cry on his shoulder while I watched everyone else leave. I went through scares of skin cancer, multiple family deaths, financial struggles, new places to live, and all the time felt completely alone. It was the perfect set up for a guy like him to come into my life, the kind of guy that had a one track mind. My boyfriend at the time had just called me telling me we should probably break up because he didn't want to deal with me when I had no house or friends. So, I went to another guy. My problem solving skills are anything but wise, they always involve a stupid boy and a lot of unnecessary tears. This guy hurt me more than most think he did, he took advantage of me and I let him.

It was the perfect set up. The guy stood by me the whole time while I pointlessly chased after guys to put my heart back together. He became my best friend until he kissed me, then he became another guy I wanted to put my heart back together. I was distracted from all the pain when I was with him and he let me talk everything out. As we became closer and I still held my walls up, he let all of his walls down and let thoughts of "love" cross his mind. His version of love was completely different than mine, however. To me, love involved serious commitment. To him, love involved a bed.

So I broke up with the guy who let me get close to him and used words of forever while only having one thing on his mind. And as we were on the phone ending everything we had started a few months before, he begged me not to hang up until he said his piece.

"Haley, I love you. I couldn't ever find the right time to tell you, but I love you. I want to be with you through everything, and I can see you in my future. I would do anything for you just don't leave me."

I left him that night and left for church camp that morning. I was gone for a week and that week was needed. My church van was back at the church a week later in the same parking lot. I was back in town and I just wanted to leave for another week of camp. I opened my car door to find a yellow rose sitting in my seat with a note inside that was full of sweet words. The guy I had left a week before was the guy who had bought me a yellow rose.

The story does not end up with us getting back together, I always knew I deserved way better than him. The story ends with him messing up my senior year by adding tons of rumors and sad attempts at ruining my relationships. It makes me feel better to type these things out. I feel like once I have it all down in a word document, that all my negative feelings stay with the words I typed instead of with me.